but not all the time. i get depressed easily, and i tend to hide in my room, sometimes i go as far as to hurt myself. luckily, i have refrained from any self-injurious behavior for...three weeks now? wow. i feel pretty awesome for that.

when i feel at my worst, i sleep all day and eat a ton of food that i dont need, at all. really. it's not fun. i dont look for help, and i refuse to ask for it. asking never worked for me, so i just dont do it anymore. once or twice in the past few days. never works.

so then, i sit on my computer and play sad music, as most girls do, and just try to think of anything to get my mind off whatever's bothering me. so here's the really cliche part: you know how some girls are all like, 'my fave musisian totally keeps me alive!'? i wouldnt say they keep me alive, but they do make me think a little harder about staying alive, and that works for me. so here's the song that kept me alive tonight if you want to hear it:

You're Learning To Love Yourself

there's just something about his music that makes me happy and at peace. i know it sounds so high school, but its true. it always sounds like he cares about what he's saying, and not singing it because he's paid to. i always feel like i'm hearing the voice of...who or whatever created the universe, telling me and everyone that everything is gonna be a-ok.

i feel all right for the first time in several days. it's a nice feeling.